1. |
Exit
00:52
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2. |
Affection Damage
02:16
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When she touched my skin, I felt nothing, just my sense of shame. When I should have been filled with life, I felt more like a machine. I felt alone in her affectionate arms. It should have felt like a thrill, but it felt more like self-harm.
So I drove in circles like the streets had a reason. Her hands on my body felt like a disease. Quarantined, but still falling ill. Unthreatened, but still afraid. And it's not just nerves, it's a deeper damage, and that's what I can't communicate. We'll be close, but never touch. I apologize for my crumbling self.
But for her, it was nothing. Just a means to an end. Enthusiasm I can't feign, can't be bothered to pretend. Because this is the language that Americans speak: "If you don't give in, that means you are weak." Well I guess I am. Shame on me.
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3. |
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You screamed for an other. You screamed for change. So you fought with your brothers, and you fought ‘til you killed and you killed.
It’s all a travesty, until it affects your family. Don’t care what we know, only what you show. You paint your masterpiece with care, so masterfully. Soon just shades of red, taken from dead after dead, so you kill.
The worst of the worst has fallen to us. The day came but we aren’t getting past. So please, can’t you please just call out the wrong? And I won't forget to remember right.
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4. |
Fake Collisions
03:26
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Passport photo depicting a January spent screaming at my dashboard. Obsessive, inefficient routes that tie a knot around this dead pharmacy.
A sore palm from slamming it on the wheel. Took a full hour just to go five minutes. The foundation failing was a locked routine. The collapse took the form of a sickness, and I rejected it as a liquid. I'm conducting endless forensics for a crime that was never mine.
I keep bleeding darker and darker. Trying to cleanse my sins in the filthiest water. I keep bleeding darker and darker. Fighting these secrets behind the wheel of a car.
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5. |
Election Fight
02:41
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We watched it change as we saw the flames scorch what we thought we knew.
Now the screen had shown. You just looked into yours and said not a word or a single verse to help comfort or ease my mind. So I threw my words and aimed them so they would be heard. “Oh please look at me. Oh please why can’t we stay where we were happy?”
Get up, get out, get out of my...
I see it when my eyes are closed. I feel it when I’m numb. I hear it when there’s silence. I know it when I’m dumb.
I still think of the times we fought for nothing — this was something.
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6. |
Contrition
03:39
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A fantasy to vanish. These notes don't seem to hit, they just crash into a jaded ear, fall to the venue floor, and shatter like a lens that captured your secret rituals.
It gave you wasted gasoline. It gave you wasted time. And it all adds up, adds up to subtract you. The shame of it all is a weight that fractures your fragile chest. An act of contrition that you think you deserve.
The survival instinct can flicker out. Just try to protect yourself.
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